Curveballs and mindset

I have been thinking if I want to post this for a long time. Because it is something that is so deeply personal and where I feel really vulnerable.

But after I had the most wonderful conversation with my friend about it today I decided to write about it. Because I wanted to share how much of a difference working on my own mindset has made in my life.

I have always been interested in learning what helps us to understand ourselves, our feelings, experiences and reactions better. But then I embarked on this journey last year of starting and building my own business. Something I never thought I was able and brave enough to do. But when I made that decision to step up and take charge of my own life I knew that it was not only about learning new skills but that I had to focus on myself first. And really change. My mindset. My habits. My beliefs. So since then I literally spent every day working on my mindset. Through my business platform, workshops, audiobooks, conversations, and journaling.

And it is what probably has kept me sane. Because in so many ways life has thrown me not one but several curveballs in the last year. When Covid hit I had just returned from my seven months of travelling. I was just about to figure out what was next for me. With no place to live and the next work project only just shaping up. But I was happy. And back in the US to figure out how to make my relationship work with all of this. So when the lockdown came and my flights got cancelled I wasn’t worried. But instead was gifted with six months of love and magic!

But as the pandemic continued I ran out of time and had to leave the US because of my visa. And so I was back in Germany. With my family as I still did not have my own place. And all potential work projects on hold because of travel restrictions. I was stranded. Meaning I could also not return to the US. Which is still the case almost seven months later. And not only the distance and time difference have been a challenge. But life kept throwing curveballs at both of us. In general through the loss of a friend and home but of course the pandemic has been just as demanding. The biggest strain though proved to be the uncertainty. There was no way to make any plans. To know how long it would remain this way before I could travel again. It is easier to endure when there is an end in sight. But how do you stay connected and committed when you just don’t know?

What really helped me in this time was for me to start my business journey. Because that meant I had something to focus on. And I felt some sense of control working towards my own goals for my future. It helped me to stay positive and motivated when otherwise I felt like I had no control over my life. I couldn’t travel back to the US. And it is still not clear when I ever will be able to go again. There is no way to make a commitment this way. Or to promise anything. Life continues. And you have to helplessly surrender. No matter how badly you want something.

Of course there has been hope. Which had kept me going. Because something as precious as love you don’t give up on easily. You fight! And believe. That if it is meant to be that it will happen. And at the same time you just have to let go. Because there is nothing you can do.

I have been a trooper. But this past weekend was one of those moments where the situation just became too overwhelming again. So I went for a walk. Through these open meadows. And I was just crying with frustration and the feeling of helplessness. The wind was ice cold on my face. I went into this hole of sadness, feeling alone and devastated. And then of course into why would it happen to me, what was I doing wrong…the usual story of I know that is not true but I’m feeling sorry for myself right now.

I walked to these ponds in the woods and set down. Staring into the water did calm me down. And then I started to regroup. And literally went through every tool I knew that would help me shift my mindset and bring me out of my hole again. Changing my perspective, understanding my own fears, overcoming my own self-doubt and feeling of failure, letting go of any expectations and listing as many things that I felt grateful for. Shifting my mind from this feeling of me losing everything to accepting that I cannot change any of these circumstances right now but that I just have to open my heart and trust the universe to send love my way!

When I walked back through the meadows I felt so much better and like I could breathe again.

Knowing how to shift my mindset and my perspective does not mean that life won’t keep throwing curveballs that are out of my control. That there will be situations which will break my heart. Moments that will be challenging and overwhelming. Times when I will just feel so tired of having to be strong. All these feelings that I experience in those moments are justified and I have to acknowledge and not supress them. But staying in that moment and even falling into the hole is not an option! And it is my choice and therefore within my own power to move forward and to shift. Which is really hard. And not something that only works in those moments and when needed. But something that I need to and have been focusing on every day for months now. Through learning about how our mind works and little daily habits. Like journaling, meditation, changing my language, affirmations, going for walks, listening to motivational speeches and being grateful.

is a journey. And life will challenge me again and again. And I just have to believe in myself that each experience will make me stronger. I’m blessed to have a wonderful support system in my life. But I know that ultimately I have to show up for myself. I know that I have a choice. Not over the circumstances. But over my own feelings and mindset! And for that reason I’m so grateful for the tools I have been learning that have helped me with making that choice easier. 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘆 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴!